so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
