Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
