the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm at about main and main street
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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