careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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