Got a toothbrush?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
