you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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