i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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