i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
