think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
