We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
