I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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