i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
