If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
