so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
