Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
