i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
