I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize