I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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