dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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