Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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