I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
