Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
