sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
