just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
