Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
