he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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