i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
