I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
