is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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