he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
