I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
