I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
