but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
