So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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