Betty ford says i'm here all night
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
