I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I am one with the molecules
Sext me about skeletons
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
