so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
