i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
