All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Are my feet made of real feet?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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