I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
