don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
