I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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