Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
They are going to name an STD after you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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