I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
