PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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