I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
