I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
