weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When did angry sex become our thing?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
