Where did you get a picture of my penis
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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