I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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