Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
