it hurts more in the daytime
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
someone owes me an orgasm
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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