SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize