forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
