Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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