She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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