I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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