Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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