I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I bet he comes in French.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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