well I can't set my house on fire every night
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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