There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize