I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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