Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
