Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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