guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize