Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
