no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
