You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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