It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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