She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
