I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
