He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
